“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from
your own actions.” –Dalai Lama
Each day that I wake up -whether I
greet a sun rise, clouds, or a rainy day- the first thing that I wake up to is a
pain in some area of my body; still, I am exceedingly, genuinely GRATEFUL that
I am awake, and that I have the chance to live out my life the way that God
planned it out for me. Life is an amazing gift. I am thankful that I God
granted me awe-inspiring healthiness and well-being for 33
years of my life. I remember waking
up each day, my feet hitting the floor, up and going, without a thought to how
well I felt--never contemplating that some day my good health might
quickly and conclusively disappear from the life that I led.
If you have never faced chronic
pain, a chronic illness, or an autoimmune disease, I realize how difficult it
is for you to identify with the life that struggles and trials that I have faced with my health issues for the past 15 years. I have been told, “Just get up,
get dressed and go.” But when you live with a constant pounding, throbbing
headache that begins in the lower back portion of your head and travels up and
around your entire head the inside out, there are days when that is simply not
a possibility. When you live with chronic muscle pain or when you wake up
several nights each week with a deep, agonizing, aching cramps in your back, legs, neck, and arms that force you to groggily walk around your bedroom until you can at least lie
back down in your bed--not to go back to sleep, but at least to rest with some pain relief, the next day your body tells your mind: “Just stay in bed
today.” I think back to the days that I was practically bed-ridden from pain. And now, I am fortunate to "get out of bed" and to "get up and go and do"--I have learned to push through my pain and to appreciate the days when my pain has lessened. When you are fortunate to get 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night
because typically you sleep around 4 hours, waking up every 30 minutes to an
hour, without ever going into deep REM sleep; perhaps, a truly healthy person might at least acknowledge the chronic fatigue syndrome that I live with. If you
haven’t had 5 major surgeries, including a hysterectomy that was performed to
stop a 3 year long, intense, almost unbearable bladder pain (referred to by many as interstitial
cystitis), or a lower back L5-S1 surgery to stop the sciatic pain running from
the top of your right hip to the bottom of your numb, painfully burning right foot-- no, you probably
do not grasp the fibromyalgia, the degenerative disc disease, or the
degenerative arthritis that I live with each day. If you have never been
diagnosed with Vitamin B12 deficiency, been hospitalized for days because your
B12 level drops to 90, when it is supposed to range between 500 and 1000;
if you have never felt the energy drain from your body, the brain fog resulting
from the neurological effects of Vitamin B12 deficiency; and if you do not have
to take a B12 shot 1-2 times each week for the remaining days of your life, please be thankful; and, if
you it is still difficult for you to understand my plight, then I know that my goal to teach
others about the reality of living with chronic illnesses and chronic pain is a noteworthy and far-reaching aspiration.
Please do not think that I am having a pity party for myself as I am writing about how I have learned to exist with chronic pain. I am blessed beyond measure to wake up each day. I am appreciative for the many caring doctors who have helped me discover that acupuncture, relaxation techniques, biofeedback, and yes, certain medicines can work together to bring me days when I might even forget about my chronic pain for a while. I am indebted to my immediate family members, to my two daughters, and especially to my husband who loves me with every soul of his being, is my caregiver when I need him, my greatest cheerleader, and my indescribable prayer warrior.
It is important to me to share with anyone who will listen about my everyday struggles and triumphs as I live with chronic pain. It is also my wish to be supportive to the hundreds of millions of people all around my home state, our nation, and the world who live with the pains of chronic illness, to validate their pain, and to reveal the different forums that bring the world of "Chronic Pain Survivors" together. I trust and I hope that my encouragement, my positivity, my gratitude for the life
that God has allowed me to live will help others who live with chronic pain and
chronic illness. My quest, ANGIE’S QUEST is to: Bring a Voice to the Silent
World of Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness. As I write about my year
as Mrs. Mississippi International 2014, most of my writing will focus on how
privileged and honored I am to have this prestigious title, concentrating on my
platform “Compassion4ChronicPain,” and revealing the many opportunities that I
have to share my individual, personal platform and the national platform of the Mrs. International Pageant--the American Heart Association's Go Red
for Women.
Yes chronic pain has changed my life; yet, I realize, without a doubt, the amazing gift that my life has always been and will continue to be-without or withstanding chronic pain.
-Each
Day is a Gift
-Conquer
Chronic Pain with Compassion, Understanding, and Knowledge
Jeremiah 29: 11-13
Be Brave,
Angie Russell Irvin
Mrs. Mississippi International 2014
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